Good Morning,
To better understand what we mean by a Vigil Plan Laurel and I are writing ours to give ideas of how beautiful your last moments, days or weeks could be. Please know that this is a work in progress. It will change as I change.
Let me start by telling you some truth, I didn't think that this assignment would be difficult for me in class. I was wrong. It completely caught me off guard when the instructor said, "you've been diagnosed with a terminal illness and you have two months to live, write about it!" Well, yikes......I wasn't planning on going that fast. I had always had this thought in my head that I would die when I was late 90's. I have longevity in my family. I actually became a little panicked, "My house is a mess, there is furniture every where, we have lots of people in there. My daughters are fighting, my children don't know what their plans are. Mike would fall apart. I can't die now, I will have zero peace." I am now imagining that that was what I was supposed to feel, just like if it were real. Just like most of the people I will care for. I had to sit in quiet for a moment to settle down my brain.
So, here it is; I want to die at home, surrounded by the people who love me. Before coming into my room, I want my visitors to spend a moment and remember times we spent together and hold these memories as sacred. I want them to write me a message on a heart shaped paper, this message could include any and all communication needed before I go. Any unfinished business or messages of love. Let your heart be free. When they step into my room I want them to notice the peace and love, hang the heart shaped paper on a line that the Doulas will hang in my room. I want my bed in the center of a warm room, where a warm breeze will gently blow my sheer white curtains. I want to hear the sounds of nature from my windows, also a soundtrack with nature sounds and all other songs that have filled my heart. Jenn will be in charge of the sound track. She knows the music that touches my heart. I would like a cardboard casket in the room with paint and markers for my family to decorate. Please take black and white pictures when family members are laughing and celebrating me. I want my husband with me as much as possible and as much as he wants to be. The Doulas will be watching him to make sure he is getting enough alone time with me. Please allow him whatever space and love he needs. Everybody else as they want to be also, with no obligations only what is in their hearts. Please let my dogs lie beside me as they wish. I would like guided meditation to help me remember my life and to let go of my body. Also, if you notice any stress in the room. Doulas can help with this. Family can be involved if they wish. I want to smell coconut and vanilla candles burning around the clock. My family and friends can massage my arms and legs with coconut lotion. Please not the bottom of my feet. I would like a hand picture taken in black and white with family. As my death becomes imminent I would like Mike to lie behind me and hold my body and soul like he has done our entire marriage. I can't think of any better way to take my last breath. After death, I would like my body washed and clothed in whatever I have chosen. Place my body in the casket for transport for cremation. I want my ashes to be saved until Mike goes, then part of them in the hole of the 9th green at Superstition Springs Golf Course where we said our vows. Kids can decide what to do with the rest. I would like the heart shaped messages and whatever else put into a book of remembrance for my family. My children will need love, Mike will need love. My family will need love. Please let this be my legacy. Love them.
