“Think Positively." How often have we heard this, and what does it mean? In the life of a person/family living with grief of any kind, there is a lot of talk on thinking positively. I wonder… do we lock away the real feelings in hopes that the good feelings will take over? Do we think that if we do not speak of these hard emotions that they will simply go away? What sometimes happens here is a pretty face with a whole lot of unprocessed pain behind it. Then at the most inopportune time the real emotion rears its ugly head and comes out as anger, depression and despair. It feels like nobody really knows us. How would it be if we were able to honor each emotion in full as it arises? Can we not allow ourselves to experience our lives without guilt? We have been given this human body to have human experiences. This includes all of our feelings, even the so-called “negative” ones. There are some horrific things that we go through in life and so many times, we bury the emotion and try to be positive. Can we not honor that emotion and sit in the fire with what is hard? To truly be positive, we are learning that honoring the emotion, slowing down to see what is going on inside helps you go deeper into the experience, when you go deeper you are able to move through it instead of around it. Then you can choose to focus on what you really want, and how you want to deal honestly with what is happening. It enables you to see what the positive can be. This puts more choice and more control in your life.
A note on fixing: We all want the people in our lives to feel good and to be happy. By habit we say things like…”don’t feel that way”, “why do you feel this way”, and “it is time to get over it”. Another habit is giving unwanted advice. Please, only give advice when requested, at other times just lend a compassionate ear. Having a non-judgmental heart sit in the experience with us and listen … it is the most intimate, healing and rewarding sentiment. Essentially, this is where the real “fix” comes in.
